Help

I can't seem to focus on studying idk why. Today has been a day of revelation like I finally realized something. And idk if I still feel the same anymore cause tbh it has been a really really long time since and so far nothing has happened yet. Like idk I don't like it when ppl do things and expect something in return and when they expect you to do something that they don't. It just doesn't make sense. And I'm just really upset and shocked that even after knowing me for so long and knowing how horrible of an emotion expresser I am, I still get blamed for something that I didn't even do. I mean like its natural for ppl to wanna feel appreciated but what do you expect me to do seriously I've said my thanks and was happy the entire day and texted about how thankful and happy I was alr what else do you want me to do? I didn't even ask for this thing yet you use it against me EVERY SINGLE TIME we quarrel whether it's related or not. Saying stuff like 'you're damn ungrateful' in a harsh way and whatnot when you know I suck at showing or saying how I really feel and when I've alr shown my appreciation in any way I can. I didn't ask for this and neither do I deserve the after treatment. If I knew that it was gonna be this way I would have rather celebrated my 18th alone. Why are you even blaming me for the choices you make seriously



Anyway unhappy stuff aside I'm kinda addicted to Korean dramas recently. Actually it's just dramas that lee min ho acts in HAHA but c'mon la after watching the heirs who wouldn't wanna see more of him right I'm sure I'm not the only one trololol~ I've been suppressing the urge to watch city hunter for a week now and I think it's super applaudable cause he looks damn hot in that show??? Like omg it's out of this world sia. Maybe it's just the kind of hair that I like but still it's an action series and you know with all the fighting and shit it just makes ppl look wayyyyyyy hotter and cooler. And I plan to watch personal taste and faith too HAHA one of (or maybe the only) reason why I'm looking forward to the hols!! Don't ask me why I only know about those dramas now cause I was never ever a fan of such shows and have been devoted to anime my entire life but I guess it's time for a change now hehehehOh and if I forgot to mention ep 19 and 20 of the heirs will be out on 11 and 12 dec HAHA do you see how my addiction is getting in the way of getting straight A's nowwww I mean like wtf of all days why must it be the day when I HAVE TO study for hpi?? But thn again judging from how long I've resisted city hunter I think I can hold it off for a few more days (I hope).




Have been talking to jh lately and he's one of the few ppl whose thoughts can make me ponder about stuff. Like Vanessa's and qianhui's and Felicia's and many others. I know you ppl think my eq is damn low and shit but no okay?? I can think and understand how they feel and learn many many stuff from them and believe it or not I think ALOT. I just don't seem to show or say anything about it idk why. That's why I always get misunderstood and ppl think I don't care and all that fuckery when I'll just be there stunned cause I know that it's not true and I care and think about it alot but thn again I can't show it so it's not my fault but my fault but not really my fault kinda thing you get it? You prolly don't but it's okay. I've been like this for awhile now so I guess I'll get used to it eventually right? Change is only constant and ppl come and go. And no matter how important they were to me and how hurt I was or helpless and misunderstood and how close I was to them at the end of the day this too shall pass. Life still goes on and if I can't do anything about it why bother?



xoxo
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