YOU'VE TALKED BEFORE ABOUT OT ADOPTING FOR SELFISH REASONS, AND WARNED AGAINST SEEING YOURSELF AS A SAVIOR OF THOSE CHILDREN.IS IT WRONG TO ADOPT JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW THERE ARE KIDS WHO NEED A SAFETY NET?HOW DO YOU DISCERN YOUR OWN MOTIVES?
there is a difference between being willing to be that safety net for a child who needs one, being open to be used by God to care for the fatherless, and seeing oneself as the noble self-sacrificing mode of salvation. Does that make sense?
In the first instance, one recognizes in all humility that God has used a donkey when He wanted to, there's nothing particularly amazing about yourself just because He uses you, too. In the second, the focus is on self, 'you' are the star of a little drama in your head.
Whenever we make ourselves the star of a little drama in our heads, we're certain to be blowing it in real life.HOW DO YOU MAKE CO-SLEEPING "WORK" WITH YOUR HUSBAND (KWIM)?
Creativity, a sense of adventure, and perhaps at times a little bit less spontaneity than one was formerly accustomed. It also will vary with your family's dynamics- ie, the age and likelihood of roaming about the house for your other children.Some ideas:
If you have a bassinet, playpen, or a deep dresser drawer with a pad in the bottom, you can move the baby elsewhere temporarily
Presumably you have other rooms in the house and the baby can stay in your room and y'all can tiptoe out
Perhaps you have a bathroom with a door lock?It's more efficient for two to shower at once, after all.
One of our military houses had a large walk-in closet. Either we or the baby sometimes used the closet for an hour or so.
There's an idea or two hidden , too, for those reading carefully.
GOOD PLACES FOR FAMILY VACATIONS?
We have had some great family vacations, but they were largely what the military calls PCSing, and the rest of the world calls 'moving.'
We usually tent-camped at state parks and campgrounds near bodies of water off the beaten path- I am not a fan of crowds or amusement parks.
As a military family, our friends and family were widespread, so often we combined PCSing with visits to friends and family along the way.
If these trips sound boring to others, our kids did not get a lot of screen time when they were young (that has all changed now, unfortunately), and they didn't know that lakes, rivers, streams, mountains, and forests were boring.
We also often visited museums. Some of them bored some of the children, but not all of them, and not all the children at the same time.
FAVORITE OUT OF ALL THE K-DRAMAS YOU'VE WATCHED?
That is a really difficult call.I think my top five would be:
Shut Up and Run (or Shut Up, Flower Boy)- watch at least three episodes before you decide whether or not you like this one, maybe four.Trigger warning- in the first or second, somebody dies abruptly in a car accident.
King2Hearts- love this.So much heart.So much cute. So much meaningful stuff about a man-child growing up. Trigger warning- scary psycho killer dude, the murder of three favorite characters, a miscarriage. Loved the way it was handled, but man, it made me cry.
Greatest Love- Cutest love story.Loved the ending.
Gu Family Book- Same actor as King2Hearts, he plays a half man, half mythical creature (a gumiho, which is often compared to a werewolf in western culture, but it's not really much the same at all).The ending was a little squirrely and unsatisfactory to me, but the rest was pretty cute. There is a psycho bad guy who is loathsome and lecherous.
City Hunter- Lee Min Ho.Lee Min Ho. Lee Min Ho.Cool revengey story with lots of humour and a heartachingly large chunk of pathos.
Current shows that the jury is still out on:
Monstar- the music is amazing, and it's a teen drama so fairly tame in the angst and trigger arena, romance is sweet not spicy.Super cute.
I Hear Your Voice- If this turns out to be a successful noona romance, I won't like it.Right now it's hard to tell where it's going.I love the characters and I love the actors, and it has that uniquely Asian combination of incredibly charming cuteness, liberal doses of humour, and shocking heart-ache.
Most of these are either reviewed or at least
HOW DOES ONE (ME) HANDLE THE ATTITUDE OF AN OLDER TEENAGE DAUGHTER THAT BASICALLY SAYS, "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS, ESPECIALLY A LOT OF THEM. IT'S FINE IF YOU WANT TO BUT I'M NOT THE MOTHER OF THESE KIDS AND IF YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM ON YOUR OWN, DON'T HAVE THEM?" MY YOUNGER SON IS USUALLY MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP OUT AND I TEND TO ASK HIM MORE BECAUSE HIS ATTITUDE IS MORE RECEPTIVE. PLUS, I'D RATHER NOT HAVE MY LITTLE ONES IN THE CARE OF SOMEONE WHO RESENTS THEM SO MUCH OF THE TIME. IF IT'S HER IDEA TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEM SHE'S GREAT, BUT IF I'M THE ONE ASKING . IT'S A DIFFERENT STORY.
That's a tough one.Obviously, there's a larger heart issue at stake, and I know some of the background circumstances so I understand the difficulties here, and I am not sure there is much you can do about it other than pray.
I'm inclined to say I'd just give her more household chores not related to childcare but definitely related to being somebody living in the household needing to contribute- bathroom cleaning, laundry, floor and window cleaning, etc.I'd never let her read Ayn Rand.And if there were ever a time it was possible to have a friendly conversation about the strange and very American idea that taking care of one's family is merely the solitary responsibility of a parent, I'd try to do that.In all cultures all over the world until recently, very recently, in western culture, the idea that siblings were also responsible for each other and for assisting their parents was the norm.
Maybe watch a few K-dramas?;-D
HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM LOSING YOUR TEMPER WHEN YOUR KIDS HAVE PUSHED EVERY BUTTON?
Well, I didn't, always.Some tools- send everybody to bed; go take a shower, change what you are doing abruptly- everybody get out of the house and go for a walk or a run.Call a friend.Yell now, apologize later.Go clean a closet.
I don't think it's a bad thing for kids to know that parents are human beings, too, that their behavior can be a downer to others.
But losing your temper means different things to different people- if it means you're gonna hurt somebody, you need to address that more immediately and urgently- and I don't know your circumstances. It would be better to talk to somebody locally.
FAVORITE PICTURE BOOKS?
I have some
Speaking of books:
is still free for your kindle, and you do not need a Kindle to read it.It looks really good:
Having a child is truly amazing. However, if we are honest, there is a natural grieving process that happens as we realize our old life is now over. One of the most difficult aspects to get over is losing personal space and time. All of the freedoms we have grown accustomed to have instantly gone away.
For Christian parents who have once had a thriving walk with God, having little children has made it next to impossible to stay connected the way we used to. But take heart, this season of life doesn't have to be defined by dry spirituality.
Holy Parenting is a book that walks along with you as a parent: helping you come to terms with this new reality, expand your devotional diet, and providing helpful tools to develop your own faith as well as the faith of your children.
Along with the above free title, I strongly recommend this one for 2.99:
by Gary Thomas. It's probably the best book on marriage I've ever read.
You might also with babies 8-12 months old.
The were pretty interesting.
Be sure to see which questions the other moms answered:
And just might be back!